Do you find yourself in a power struggle with your kid?
- If so, you fall into a trap of what most parents do -
- fighting for control of who wins this battle.
- The reality is that you never win -
- you may think you win the battle, but end up losing the war -
- when your kids resent it so much that they would get out of the house the minute they have the physical ability to get away.
How do you get into the classic power struggle in the first place?
- It's very easy if you aren't aware of the family dynamics:
- You think you know more than your kid does, with the years of experience under your belt.
- But your kid pulled this one on you, and challenged your authority, or outsmarted you.
- You got furious and felt insecure, or got fooled by someone half of your age.
- So you pull your authority on them, and they resist with defiance!
- So you get into the classic power struggle in parenting -
- You are right, your kid is wrong.
- You demand your kid to listen, and does what you tell them to.
- You are upset, and so is your kid.
- You win, and you expect your kid to shut up, go to his/her room and be remorseful.
Why do you get into such a demanding position?
- You are the parent -
- so your kid should listen.
- Your parent raised you up this way -
- so you will raise up your kid the same way.
- You know it all,
- but your kid doesn't.
- You are right -
- a strong sense of righteousness.
- You never thought you could ever be wrong, or flawed just like any other human, especially in front of your own kid -
- your pride is getting in the way.
- You didn't get what you want -
- your wants and needs are not satisfied, so you project on your kid that they are getting in the way and take it out on your kid.
- You don't have other outlets to vent -
- so your kid is an easy target because he/she has to listen and be defenseless in your own house.
- You didn't get what you wanted from your parents when you grew up -
- so your kid doesn't deserve it either.
- You are wounded as a child -
- your wounds never got a chance to heal.
- You are caught up with your own life -
- you don't have time for your kid.
- Your wants and needs are in competition with your kid's -
- you are not happy, so someone has to give.
So how do you diffuse such a no-win power struggle?
- Know your own wants and needs:
- When you get your own wants and needs fulfilled, you will naturally be more willing to attune to the wants and needs of your kid.
- Identify whether your own wants and needs are in competition with your kid's:
- If they are in conflict, you will be drawn into a power struggle.
- Identify if you are in a personality conflict with your kid:
- If you find yourself saying, "Why can't you be like another kid?" (either expecting him/her to stop acting out or be defensive)
- then you are most likely in a personality conflict.
How do you prevent personality conflicts?
- Know your own personality-type:
- When you identify your own personality preference,
- you will easily identify the differences between you and your kid.
- Know your own true nature:
- When you have identified your own true nature,
- you will identify your kid's true nature in better light.
- Know the difference between nature and nurture:
- When you understand in-born traits are preferences like handedness that will never be changed without causing discomfort,
- then you will know you won't fight against the current by swimming upstream, or try to change you kid.
- Know what nature has endowed you and your kid:
- When you have identified the true nature of yourself and your kid,
- you will flow with the current, swimming together, and take advantage of what you have in yourself and bring out the best in your kid too.
- Knowing your true nature is hard, especially if you were brought up to be someone who you are not by your parents or by societal pressure:
- But you can take the patented CORE personality profile to help you pin-point the differences between your nature and nurture influences,
- Once that is brought up to your awareness, you will be in a much better position to do the "right thing."
- With the knowledge you gained from the profile,
- you will be able to identify your natural wants and needs specific to your personality,
- then know what you need to do to parent your kid, and parent yourself too if you didn't get what you wanted as a child.
- Even if you have kids that have grown up,
- you can still use this profile to help you heal and bond with your kid again
- because it is never too late to love yourself, forgive yourself and love your kid who you gave birth to.
In the meantime, you can
take the patented personality now to find out your true nature.
CORE, CORE MAP, CORE PEP are trademarks of Peak Potentials, Inc. Patent No. 6,159,015
Licensed by Peak Potentials, Inc. as certified facilitator and use of CORE products.
Copyright © 2006 The Personal Best. All Rights Reserved.